What I'm Wearing
Fri, Oct 9 2009 12:04
A couple of friends have encouraged me to do a bit of fashion blogging. I think its a great idea however I am still feeling a bit camera shy about posting photos of myself. So, in lieu of actual photos of me I thought I'd do a little collage for you guys.
Two weeks ago I faced up to reality, packed away all my summer clothing and brought out some of my fall clothing. I also made the majority of my fall wardrobe purchases.
I realize that the clothes featured in the collage are all pretty monochromatic. Like I mentioned in my wardrobe makeunder post, I'm trying to make a point of buying more "investment pieces". This means buying really great neutral colored basics that I can easily mix with my favorite bright colors (hot pink, yellow, turquoise) using fun accessories or accent pieces. My goal is to have a really workable wardrobe, where pieces easily mix and match. For me wearing a lot black, white & grey makes this easier to accomplish. Plus, I just like these colors--wearing black and white allows me to play with textures rather than colors (shiny black patent, silk, leather, studded jewelry).
What I bought new for fall:
+J brand Jeans in a dark wash (the same jeans that were featured in my "imaginary sugar daddy list"). These jeans are great so far. They are made of a nice dark, thick, denim with a lot of stretch & they fit great. I only buy jeans about once a year so I chose these because they go with everything.
+A black silk ruffle skirt. (like above) I admit I have a thing for ruffles. My very stylish sister told me this summer that people with curly hair shouldn't wear ruffles. She's probably right. However, I still love this skirt. The silk is super soft and the cut is flirty. It looks great with black tights, my motorcycle jacket and some high heel oxfords (or flats and a cardigan for work)
+A grey light weight wool animal print scarf (like above): This scarf is very soft, is a great accent piece and already goes with most of my wardrobe since I wear a lot of black, white, taupe and grey.
+ A couple of plain white T-shirts from H&M. Because I live in white T-shirts.
+A grey blazer (like above). This isn't a new purchase. I bought it in the spring and am now just starting to really wear it. It mixes and matches perfectly with the new items, especially the scarf!
What I plan on adding still:
+ a pair of flat black oxfords (cute and practical)
+ the American Apparel body con dress in Black (another great basic)
What I'm still looking for:
+a long "boyfriend" style blazer in black. My friend recently bought one at H&M but I have yet to find one of my own. This seems to be a really popular item for fall and is sold out everywhere.
And there you have it, a quick glimpse into my fall wardrobe. My wallet kind of hurts after making my purchases however I am really happy with the choices I made. Everything featured above are items that mix and match with fall "basics" that I already own & love (more short flirty skirts, black tights, skinny black jeans, high heeled oxfords). Everything also transitions easily from day to night: swap the flat oxfords for the high heeled ones, throw on my leather motorcycle jacket + a nice purse and I am ready to go from work to play.
Now that I have organized my wardrobe for fall, I need to go through the rest of my closet and "trim the fat" aka purge items that I don't use. I really wish Toronto had somewhere like Buffalo Exchange where I could sell my previously loved clothes. One thing I really miss about living in BC is the consignments stores & being able to sell my unwanted clothes at the beginning of the season. I have a lot of clothes that I no longer wear however I feel are too nice to just give away to the goodwill (that's what I've been doing though, so maybe its good karma). To the other Torontonians out there: what do you do with your fashion rejects?
In the mean time I'm going to to continue to try and make smart clothing choices so that I can minimize the amount of wardrobe waste I create.
What are you wearing this fall?
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The Hills & the Water-Cooler
Thu, Oct 8 2009 11:36
I have a theory that talking about The Hills is like the female equivalent of discussing Monday Night Football. I came to this conclusion the other day after I had a lengthly conversation with my boss about the show.
Before I get too deep into my theory, I should probably tell you a bit about my workplace. I came up with the perfect description while at a staff dinner party the other night: working where I work feels a bit like belonging to a sorority (or what I imagine being part of a sorority would feel like, since I never pledged in university). All my coworkers are female, range from very attractive to straight up gorgeous, and are all ridiculously stylish. Designer clothes and hand bags that cost more than $400 aren't the exception, they're the norm. Plus a lot of the girls already seem to be have really close friendships with each other. In short, its an intimidating crowd. And like I would probably feel if this were a real sorority, I can't help but wonder why they chose me to be part of their group. The people I have started to get to know are all very nice. However, there are still a few that until recently I'm still slightly intimidated by. Which brings me to the other day.
I was standing by the water-cooler (literally. We actually have one in our staff room) when one of these previously-intimidating people came up to me and asked out of the blue:
"Do you watch The Hills or The City?"
As soon as she asked me, my eyes lit up. This was totally my "in". I replied,
"Yes! Yes I do!"
Before I knew it, another girl had joined in and we were discussing the value of Kristen Cavallari as a new cast member, Whitney's lack of assertiveness, Stephanie's horrible fashion sense and there is just something not-right about Audrina's glazed over eyes. I think I may have even impressed them with some of my City knowledge ("Olivia's Hermes birkin bag isn't new in Season Two, she has it in the First Season in the episode where she and Nevin go to the art gallery together and she's wearing those leather leggings") Then the conversation casually segued into the discussion of lunch, food & our neighborhoods. = Social awkwardness eliminated.
I once read somewhere that when it comes to the process of bonding "men bond by talking about sports and women bond by talking about other women". We all know that gossiping is bad, however most of us still do it every now and then. So, in a work environment that has a "zero tolerance gossip policy" talking about The Hills can be seen as a "healthier" way to get that gossip fix. We can talk all we want about LC, Lo, Audrina & Heidi without ever hurting anyone (well, except maybe staff productivity).
Finally, I can say without doubt that my time spent watching trash TV wasn't a waste of time.
However, if I ever start working in an environment that isn't dominated by females and gay guys I might actually have to start watching football. In the mean time I'm going to ride this wave.
[The painting above is from the series "With Friends Like These" by Karin Bubas. The Vancouver artist has created a series of ironic portraits of her favorite reality TV stars. When I first heard of this I thought it was hilarious. I wish I could have seen the show. I would have loved to see Audrina's Deer-Caught-in-the-Headlights expression or Justin Bobby's greasy hair captured in pastels.]
What do you talk about around the water-cooler at work?
A Case of the 24's
Tue, Oct 6 2009 12:13
I've heard a lot of people use the phrase "Quarter Life Crisis" to describe the general state of turmoil we undergo in our mid-20's. I feel like this is the age where everyone is trying to figure out their place in the world. Being 23-24 was a huge transitional period for me. I definitely went through a "Quarter Life Crisis" or as I prefer to call it "A case of the 24's". Here is my story.
{photo by Chrissy White}
When I was 23 I graduated university. At the time I was really looking forward to graduating, however when it actually happened it was a complete shock to my system. What you have to understand is that I really loved school. Being in university allowed me to build this cushy bubble around myself. I went to class, I worked at my part time job, I studied really hard & I partied with my friends on the weekends. When things went awry in my personal life I always had the consistency of school & studying to keep me focused. When I graduated, this bubble burst and I suddenly had to deal with the "the real world".
My last year of university was a lot of fun, however it was also marked with romantic disappointments: Guy #1 (afraid of commitment), Guy #2 (bad timing, didn't want a girlfriend), Guy #3 (still in love with ex girlfriend) Guy#4 (still secretly WITH his girlfriend), Guy #5 (the first and last time I try internet dating) and so it goes. I was exhausted. So, when I met Mr. Looks Good on Paper I decided that if I was going to date anyone he would be the sensible choice. I wasn't as attracted to him as the other guys I had been with, however he had a good job, was nice, treated me well & there was very little drama. He was also 11 years older than I was. I thought at the time this is what I needed. We were together for 8 months.
Mr. Looks Good on Paper was a really nice person, however in retrospect, we weren't right for each other. The large age gap between us meant that we were at totally different stages in our lives. I was 23 and still wanted to party and have fun. However, the longer I was with Mr. LGOP, the less I saw of my own friends. Our social life began to completely revolve around HIS friends--a collection of yuppies with GAP-commercial wardrobes and Ikea-showroom-display apartments. I thought they were jerks, but at first I still sought their approval because they were older and seemed more accomplished than I was. Eventually I just started to resent everyone (including Mr LGOP) once I realized how much fun I was missing out on by being with him. I was young, pretty and spending my Saturday nights playing scrabble with 35 year olds.
At the time I was working at a job that didn't pay well, while I looked for a "real job". I was barely scraping by and making rent. I lived in a Bachelor apartment by myself. Besides a bed & a rickety desk I had virtually no furniture. I had to sit on a Rubbermaid bin to use my computer. When I wasn't hanging out with Mr. LGOP I was too broke to really do anything. Mostly I just hung out in my furniture-less apartment, reading library books and watching the few DVDs I owned. Wow, I'm getting depressed just writing this paragraph.
It also didn't help that during this time I went through what I like to call a "Second Adolescence". For the first time in my life my skin started to break out really badly, in painful chin acne. Breaking out was something that didn't even happen to me as a teenager. My self esteem definitely took a hit. Later on I realized that the acne was food allergy related and it cleared up once I started eating properly. However at the time it made me feel disgusting.
During this period of my life I started to experience jealousy for the first time since Junior High. I started to be envious of everyone around me who seemed to have better jobs, nicer clothes, more exciting relationships, clear skin and what I perceived to be better lives. I felt completely trapped in my relationship, isolated from my friends and like everything was just wrong. I'd lay awake at night wondering "When will it ever come together for me?"
Thinking back on this era of my life kind of makes me cringe. I don't like to think about how unhappy I was. The good news is that things eventually DID get better.
Mr. LGOP dumped me (I had basically stopped putting any effort into the relationship so really I don't blame him). For the first time after a break up I actually felt RELIEVED. I was free!
During that time I got a better paying job. And although I still had to be frugal, I bought some simple furniture, painted my walls and decorated my little bachelor apartment. I also started to hang out with all my friends again. Suddenly I had a great social life, was going out and having fun the way a 24 year old should. What started off as one of the worst periods of my life, ended as one of the best.
What I have learned from my Case of the 24's is this:
1) Never sacrifice your own friendships for a relationship. After this experience I made a pact with myself to always make time for my own social life outside of a relationship, something that I still stand by today. Looking back I think if I hadn't isolated myself by dating Mr. LGOP, and maybe had I still been living with roommates who were going through the same things as I was, I might not have had such a hard time getting through the 24's.
2) Obsessing over what other people have vs what you don't doesn't get you anywhere. In the long run, everything comes together the way it should. One day you'll wake up and notice that you have proper furniture, dishes that match for the most part & a decent wardrobe and you'll realize how far you've come. You'll even feel grown up. Until you get to the next step, be happy with what you have, spend time with friends and the rest will happen on its own.
Has anyone else experienced (or is experiencing) a Quarter Life Crisis? How did you deal? And what did you learn from the experience?
Kodak Moments
Mon, Oct 5 2009 08:49
{painting on left: Bluebird by Andrea Heimer}
Halloween. Early 2000's.
I was being a particularly bad friend that day. I had ditched a party with friends to sneak off and see the guy I was dating at the time, for some early evening "fun".
After the sex, we lay in bed. Him smoking & me staring off into space. He looked at me and said,
"Do you want to watch a movie or something?"
To which I replied, "Yeah that sounds good. I'll go grab a DVD from the living room"
I started to get out of bed, with the intention of heading towards the TV console when he interrupts me,
"No! Don't! Uh, I'll go get the DVDs"
"No, really it's fine, I'm already out of bed"
"But I uh, don't want you going through the DVDs"
"What? Why?"
"Umm, because I still have some videos of my ex and I having sex. I wouldn't want you to find them by mistake"
"What? Why?! Oh my god, do you still watch them?!"
"Well, I haven't watched them super recently, but I used to watch them a lot after she and I broke up"
"Why would you do that? Its like torturing yourself"
"It helped me miss her less. I also still have the naked photos she & I took together. Although they're under the bed now"
"The bed that we just.....?"
"Yeah. I took them down off of the walls a few days ago before you came over. Actually I'm really glad the first night we got together we went back to your place, or else you would have seen the photos. They're poster sized. Very artistically done, but yeah I wouldn't have wanted you to see them. That wouldn't have looked too good ha ha. So yeah, you might not want to look under the bed either"
SILENCE.
"Have you given any thought to throwing any of this stuff out?"
"I'm just not really ready to let go of any of it yet"
Lets just stop right here.
If by some wacky twist of fate you actually find yourself having a similar conversation, this is the point where you should grab your clothes off of the floor, say your goodbyes and leave the scene. If someone is not ready to let go of intimate reminders of their previous relationship (but have been sleeping with you for awhile), its a safe enough guess that this person may never be ready to let go. Or, even if they will someday be "ready" its not worth sacrificing your self respect waiting to see if & when that day arrives. Cut your losses and walk away.
A few months later he called me to tell me he'd moved the large naked photographs into the basement (I imagine this must have been really tough for him). But it was too late. The damage was done.
We all carry around some things from our past. I'm totally OK with a few photographs of tucked neatly into a shoe box. I still have a few photos of old boyfriends kicking around in some boxes/old photo albums. I keep them because they remind me of certain points in my life and how far I have come. I think this is perfectly healthy. However if you have to navigate your partner's apartment like its a mine field because you're afraid you might stumble across a glimpse of his ex's naked cha-cha or titties, then this definitely not healthy.
Which brings me to today's question: When it comes to dating someone, what is an acceptable level (if any) of past relationship artifacts to keep? And where do you draw the line?
Revenge of the Nerd
Sat, Oct 3 2009 12:04
| the book project, bookworm-ism
I love to read. In 2008, I challenged myself to read as much as possible and ended up finishing 34 books. I think I did pretty good, considering I was working full time throughout the year. This year I really wanted to challenge myself and read 50 books by the end of 2009. I've already read 30 this year. You can see what I read listed on my sidebar. My friend Amber has also been recording the books she's read this year in her blog & it looks like we're basically on track with each other.
However, in order to make my goal, I'll have to read 20 books in the next three months. That means I'll have to read approximately 1.6 books per week. Is this even possible to do if you are also working, having a social life, doing freelance projects & trying to stay on top of a blog?! I'm thinking probably not, but I'm still going to try. Its a challenge. Its meant to be slightly unattainable. However, I'm not willing to sacrifice quality reading just to make my goal. As my friend mentioned, reading should be about enjoyment not numbers. I'm sure I could read the whole Gossip Girl series pretty quickly if I wanted, but then what's the point? (ok, I actually did consider doing this when I was recovering from surgery a few years ago, because I thought this was about as much intellectual content I could handle while zoned on painkillers, however I ended up reading other stuff instead). So, I'm going to keep reading stuff I really want to read this fall. Worse case scenario, I'll still probably do better than last year.
This is the line-up that I have so far
(most are books that I bought during a "I'm depressed at my job"-book buying spree this winter)
Wetlands by Charlotte Roche
Lunar Park by Brett Easton Ellis
The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
The Game by Neil Strauss (but of course. I must read my birthday present!)
The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano
Kingdom Come by J.G Ballard
Already Dead by Denis Johnson (a loaner from my sis)
Brightness Falls by Jay McInerney (already halfway through this one)
Story of my Life by Jay McInerney (also loaned to me by my sis)
One Fifth Avenue by Candace Bushnell (a guilty pleasure)
Then I have these on order @ the library (I'm really excited about all of these)
The Other side of Paradise by Staceyann Chin
Zeitoun by Dave Eggers
I'm Down: a Memoir by Mishna Wolff
Sag Harbor by Colson Whitehead
L.A Candy by Lauren Conrad (Please don't make fun of me)
So, thats 16 books there. If I manage to get through all of those, I'll be pretty amazed! If I managed to read another ten books this year, I'll be proud.
Has anyone else embarked on a reading challenge this year? (or am I alone in my complete nerdiness?)
Dirty Laundry
Wed, Sep 30 2009 12:12
My buddy Jenny posted this in her own blog a few days ago. Reading through it, I felt like I was reading my own advice. I was so happy when she kindly agreed to let me re-post it in my own blog.
The first half of my university career (or my early twenties in general) was defined by recklessness. I think this is just part of being young. I didn't really look that far into the future and I lived in the now, regardless of the consequences. This attitude extended to how I treated my clothes: not very well. Every season I'd end up with a bunch of stuff that had completely lost its shape or worn out. I'd end up just buying new things.
{photo left: agent provocateur}
Jenny has done a great job describing an important lesson I learned near the end of my university career: take proper care of your clothes & lingerie! I thought this tied in nicely with my previous post on "making under" your wardrobe. I've learned that its not only important to go for quality over quantity, but also to take proper care of what you have. This philosophy can definitely be applied to other areas of your life besides your wardrobe (your health, friendships, relationships, your home).
So, without further ado here are her tips on how to keep your pretty under-things (or delicates) pretty for as long as possible.
Shortly after my eighteenth birthday, I left the comforts of home to embark on a new journey in life. The journey of freedom. independence, and self-sufficiency. The journey into the so-called "real world" I grew up hearing about. With help from college dormmates, roommates, and occasional care packages from Mom and Grandma, I made it out in one piece. My clothes, however, did not.
My attire became the sacrificial lambs in my quest for independence. Everything from Victoria's Secret bras and panties to nylons, thigh highs, and "dry clean only" interview suits found their way in the "even too warped for Goodwill" pile. Throw it all in together, wash in the warm cycle, spin dry, and hope for the best was my motto. Afterall, a $1.50 was too much for a nearly impoverished co-ed to spend on a cycle of intimate apparel.
Seven years later, no more richer but boo coos wiser, I learned the error of my ways. If I wanted to wear that sexy bra paired with the lacey thong-thong-thong-thong-thong, I needed to invest in my laundry so that I didn't need to invest in new intimate wear altogether.
First, I purchased my own washer and dryer. While I was quite broke I was able to find one that I could buy under warranty for roughly $500 and made that purchase on a credit card. While debt is never good, I saved in laundry expenses over the years and nearly broke even up to this point. More importantly, I saved my pretty underwear! It is a debt well worth it in my mind. I am no longer afraid to devote a handful of to clothes the delicate cycle.
For those equally as clueless as I, the following will be a quick guide for all your most delicate (and satiny) needs:
1. Invest in a mesh bag with a zipper. These can be found at your local Target, Wal-Mart, and sometimes even Dollar Tree.
2. Gently place your undergarments inside. Be sure to snap your brassieres (and another other intimate outfits) together. Doing this will prevent them from snagging and stretching.
3. Wash in cold water on the most delicate cycle.
4. . DO NOT dry in a dryer. This takes some planning on your part as you will not be able to get sexy sexy the day you want your intimates washed. If it is an absolute emergency, you may dry on air fluff (within the bag) but the bumping and banging is just not advisable for these clothing items and should be saved for other occasions.
5. When air-drying, be lay them out flat. This is more beneficial than hanging as there is little room for distortion. If you do decide to hang, be sure the way you hang your items does not pull or tug on anything.
6. For other apparel, invest in Dryell (it really does work!) and follow the directions.
7. Remember, most damage comes from the dryer. Afterall, that's where the socks go missing. When in doubt about any garmet, use air fluff or lay flat to dry!
Of course, the best way to avoid all the complications of the world of laundry is to buy durable clothes. Go commando and don't give underwear a second thought! Sexy and sensible!
Advice that is both practical & sassy! Thanks Jenny for sharing this with us. I have been following the same tips for a few years now and I can honestly say its made a huge difference in how long my lingerie & delicate items last. Caring properly for my stuff makes me feel good and has probably saved me a lot of money in the long run since I don't have to constantly dispose of damaged items (also more enviro friendly!). If you haven't purchased one of those little white mesh bags, DO IT NOW. This little mesh bag will be your new best friend.
Abusing my clothes has officially been added to my Murtaugh list!
How do you care for your dirty laundry? (And I mean, actual laundry. We'll get back to talking about the other kind of "dirty laundry" in future posts)
High School Crush
Mon, Sep 28 2009 08:01
| growing up, early twenties
{photo cred: Laura Amiss via decor8)
Listening to all these old 90's R&B tracks lately has made me think back to the days of high school crushes.
In 11th grade I had a huge crush on this one guy. I liked this guy a lot, and knew it from the moment I saw him. He was outgoing, zany, funny, and had this crazy energy about him. If this was a teen movie, he'd be the slightly A.D.D class clown, with a heart of gold. I liked everything about him because at the time he was everything I wasn't. I was quiet, studious & also zany (but too shy to show it). We became friends since we belonged to the same after school club. Since we both lived in the same neighborhood, we'd sometimes walk home together. I always nervously look forward to these days, because it meant that I was guaranteed a good 20 minutes of his undivided attention. We usually didn't say much during these walks (away from the spotlight of our peers he was much quieter, pensive) but I didn't care. I just liked being around him.
When he finally called me one weekend to see if I wanted to "hang out" I nearly jumped out of my skin. I put on my favorite outfit (which at the time was a shiny button up shirt that had a cherry pattern on it, black stretchy flare pants & platform sandals) and did my hair with a bit of extra gel to ensure it was in perfect "wet look" form (keep in mind this was the mid-1990's in Victoria). When I got to to his house, he answered the door shirtless, in his boxers.
I'm sure my eyes almost popped right out of my head. He said,
"Uhh, I'm just waiting for my laundry to dry"
We went and sat on his parent's couch (at opposite ends) and made awkward conversation while we watched videos on Much Music. I really wanted to do something else, but I wasn't even sure where to begin. He was gorgeous shirtless: smooth skin, tanned, slightly muscular. My temperature was rising but I was afraid to even move. So instead I kept my eyes on the screen and kept stealing shy glances over towards him and his perfect chest. He was probably doing the same, but I was so nervous I didn't notice.
What you have to understand is that in high school I was very shy. I was also a virgin. I had barely even kissed a guy. I assumed because he was so outgoing & slightly older, that he was way more experienced than I was. This made me even more nervous. The whole time I was on that couch I kept thinking:
"Who leaves their laundry until the last minute? He probably doesn't like me the way I like him"
In retrospect I think I was TOTALLY missing the signals. IN A BIG WAY.
Nothing ended up happening. His laundry finished, he got dressed and we left the house to go meet up with our other friends. I figured there was always a "next time".
Around the same time I started to befriend a girl who was part of our circle of friends. She was also older and definitely was more "experienced" than I was (In a teen movie, she'd be the girl that people start rumors about, along the lines of "I heard she did the whole football team one night!". Looking back, I feel bad for her. No one wants to be THAT girl in the teen movie of their life). I thought she was kind of tough and "cool", so one day while she was coveting my prized leather jacket, I offered to lend it to her for the weekend. With the hope that she would accept me and that we would bond as girlfriends, I also confessed that I liked ______, our laundry challenged friend.
Three weeks later, the jacket came back to me, along with information that I was completely wrong about________ and his level of romantic experience.
It turns out he WAS a virgin, and not any more experienced than I was. I found this out when "new friend" decided to let out that she had recently "de-virginized" him in the back seat of her parents car and that now she & _______ were officially "fuck buddies". I was CRUSHED. He should have been with me. When I saw her flauntingly making out with him in my jacket, I wanted to strangle that bitch.
OH GOD, the jacket. I can only imagine what indecent acts were performed in that jacket. When she finally returned it to me, I took it home and asked my Mom:
"Mom, can you dry clean leather?"
Eventually, like all things I got over the situation and moved on. I graduated high school and moved away. A few years later while home for the summer, I was out at a bar with friends and saw _________. In a moment of drunken confidence I went right up to him, told him I'd had a crush on him in high school, grabbed him and kissed him. He had a big smile on his face and said,
"I like this new kissy Simone!"
We danced together and at the end of the night while saying our goodbyes he asked,
"Do you want to come home with me?"
Things kind of stopped for a moment while I thought about it. On one hand I really wanted to. How many chances do you get to do the do with your unrequited high school crush? But then I thought of the other girl & I just couldn't. I politely declined, and told him that the ship had kind of already sailed.
Maybe I missed an opportunity. I'll never know. I wouldn't say this was an all-defining experience or anything, but I do know it was around the same time I made a promise to myself to always go after what I want romantically. In my early twenties I put this philosophy to work & kissed many boys in the process. I came to the conclusion that it was always more satisfying (and fun) to be bold & brazen than to be a wallflower. The next time a gorgeous guy answered his door in his underwear I knew exactly what to do.
What do you remember about your high school crush?
Happy Sunday
Sun, Sep 27 2009 11:59
I hope everyone has had a nice weekend!
I've been working all weekend, plus I have a freelance project due next week, hence the lack of blogging the past few days. I promise that we'll be back to regular scheduled programming by Tuesday at the latest.
In the mean time, I'll leave you with a pretty photo from N.E.E.T magazine, an online magazine I discovered a few years ago. I really like the fresh-looking editorial style of N.E.E.T. It kind of reminds me of a more cute-sy version of NYLON, circa the days when I still liked NYLON. I think my friend Ange would definitely appreciate the retro styling of this magazine! This issue features photos by Chrissy White and a story on one of my favorite home decor bloggers, Making it Lovely. Check it out!
I also really enjoy the online magazine Sesame. Its full of stunning photographs.
What online magazines or blogs do you love?
Burned at T.I.F.F
Wed, Sep 23 2009 10:42
| Michelle'd
I think my "5-prong approach" has given me a false sense of security. I've used it in the past because I've been under the false impression that I will never encounter the people I meet in the dark of clubs in the light of day. Or if I do, I bank on the fact that they won't recognize me and I won't recognize them. However, after attending my first TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival) party at the Spoke Club last week, I'm starting to reconsider everything.
I was standing at the very crowded bar waiting for my drink when I looked over and saw this guy staring right at me. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place him. He smiled and called out another girl's name, so I figured he wasn't talking to me. Later in the night after returning from the bar once again, I see the same guy standing talking to my two friends. He sees me and says,
"Hey! We've met before!"
"Really?" I say as I stare at him slightly perplexed. His face still isn't registering.
"We met at Cobra a few months ago. You're MICHELLE right?"
OHH NOOOO. I HAD met him before and I'd Michelle'ed him. It all came back to me:
At the beginning of the summer, my the same friend and I were enjoying a night out dancing at Cobra, on King St W. I was taking a break from dancing, having a drink by the bar when this guy came up to me. I remember he was trying to talk to me, but the music was EXTREMELY loud and I barely could understand a word he was saying. I just wasn't in the mood to have a yelling conversation. So to speed things up, when he handed me his blackberry I put in "Michelle's" name, number and email address. Although it probably looked more like this: MiCEWRKJKKE, MycheRyL12*&4@hotmail.com. Those blackberry keys are really small-- especially after a combination of champagne and vodka (also not my best idea ever). I smiled politely, went back to dancing and figured I would probably never see him again.
(And in my defense. Would you give your real name to anyone in a place called "Cobra"? I mean really. The only reason I like to go there is because they play good music)
So back to the conversation, he said ,
"Michelle? Or is it Melanie?"
I was just standing there with a dumb look on my face when my friend started cracking up. I soon followed suit. Then he says,
"Oh god, you gave me a fake name!"
"Uh yeah. Sorry"
"I emailed you and you never wrote back!" (really?!)
"Sorry, that's not my real email either"
"Is anything you told me that night true?"
"I'm guessing probably not. But please don't take offense. I never give my name to anyone I meet in bars. Its a defense mechanism. I meet a lot of weirdos"
"Ok, fair enough"
I felt so bad that afterwards I actually told him my real name. He commended me on my identity concealing skills. We had a good laugh. We shook hands & agreed to be friends.
So, there you have it: the second time in the past week or so where I've found my foot DEEP in my mouth.
Little did I know the drama at that party was just beginning.
(To be continued)
Happily Unmarried & 29
Maybe it's the big anniversary this week that's bringing this on but, I had the craziest dream last night.
I dreamt that the BF and I were getting married. In the dream we'd decided to get married on the spur of the moment & had gone ahead and planned a small civil ceremony (at City Hall) which would be followed by a small no-frills reception. Going with this theme I had purchased a knee length, white dress (off the rack, at H&M of all places for $20). Despite how frugal the wedding plans were, I seemed perfectly happy with all the arrangements. Then the day before the wedding came and I set out to run pre-wedding errands. For some reason I decided to go to the Museum to see an exhibit. While I was in the Museum I got distracted by a display of designer handbags (because in true dream style the Museum was also a Nordstrom's store. Welcome to my subconscious). While I was fawning over the handbags someone stole my purse. I freaked out when I realized I had lost my passport, my wallet, my phone and my i-pod. I called the BF afterwards and said "How am I supposed to get married at City Hall without any ID?!". That's when I also found out that we didn't have a marriage license yet. The BF then told me "Don't worry about it. We'll try and get married without it!". At this point my mom showed up at the Museum/Nordstrom's store with my "dress" and insisted I try it on. When I saw the dress I realized that it was absolutely hideous and that there was no way I was going to get married in it. My mom said "Its fine. Just wear it! You don't need a nice dress". In the dream I burst into tears and said "But I want a BIG pretty dress". I started wailing "I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS WAHHH". My last thoughts before waking up was that everything about this situation was wrong and that I wanted to run away.
So, what does this dream mean? That I'm not ready to get married? I already know this. So then why is it still running through my subconscious?
Marriage is a touchy subject. I feel like as soon as you hit the later part of your twenties and have been in a stable relationship for a while, you suddenly lose your privacy. Everyone and their Mom suddenly thinks its OK to start asking you about when you're planning on getting married (or pop out some kids!). What makes things worse is that I wear a small diamond ring on my left hand. Its not an engagement ring. It was given to me by the BF the first time he told me he loved me. For the first year I wore it the ring went virtually unnoticed. As soon as I hit 27, suddenly I had people I barely knew grabbing my hand and asking whether I was engaged. It's become really exhausting having to explain my complicated views on marriage to virtual strangers.
Here is a summary of how I feel about marriage (so in the future when I encounter nosy people I can just say "hey, read this!") :
1. My parents never had what I'd call a good marriage. Growing up & watching them fight as a teenager was really horrible. I'm really afraid of repeating their mistakes. Naturally, this has made me approach the idea of marriage with caution.
2. Marriage has never really been a "goal" of mine. I've never been one of those people who has said to themselves "I want to be married and start a family by the time I'm 30". That has just never been me. When those little girls were dreaming of fairy tale weddings and prince charming, I daydreamed about big city life: sky-scrapers lit up against the city-skyline, an amazing career, glamorous parties & penthouse apartments. In my daydreams, Prince Charming would live with me in my glittering high rise castle, and we would our spend evenings overlooking the glittering sky-line, sipping really good booze and plotting world domination. Not exactly white picket fence material. In reality, I have the guy, I have the sweet apartment, but the thrilling career is still pending. I'm almost 30 and I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. Its not that I'm against marriage, its just I feel like I can't even wrap my head around it until I've accomplished other life goals, mainly finding a career that really makes me happy.
A lot of my feelings about this are related back to my family. My mother struggled a lot while raising us. She's been an amazing parent, but I know she sacrificed many of her own goals (career wise) to have kids. She's always instilled in me that I need to go after what I really want out of life and be happy with myself and my own accomplishments first. I'm not quite there yet and I think it would really disappoint her to see me struggle & sacrifice the way she did. It's not that I'm against marriage. I'd love to get married someday, but to me it doesn't make sense right now to make it a priority, not when I haven't accomplished other goals first. I'm really worried that if I did put energy into getting married right now that I'd push my other goals aside and lose my identity in the process (which is what I think having my purse stolen represented in my dream). I figure once I get my own goals on track, then the rest will fall into place. In the mean time I'm not going to freak out.
3. Same goes for having kids. I would like to have a child (ren) one day but just not right now. How can I be completely responsible for a little person when I feel like I'm just starting to really figure my own life out? I want to be happy with myself and my accomplishments first. I want to enjoy being a parent, I don't want to resent it because I feel like it got in the way of other goals. Children pick up on that kind of stuff, and its never fair to make a child feel that way. So, the plan is to work on me first and then (like I said) hopefully the rest will fall into place. Besides, I've always imagined myself getting married & having a child a bit later in life.
4. Sometimes I think of marriage and wonder, "What's the point?". Me and the BF already live together. We're domestic partners, we share our life together, we support each other, we care about each other, we're together. I don't really see how marriage is really going to change anything, or make our relationship any more legitimate. It doesn't matter to me if we're married or not. I told this to a dear friend of mine who is happily married and she said "Well, if it doesn't really matter you should just do it". But its a circular argument because if it doesn't matter then why SHOULD I do it?
5. Financially, an engagement ring & a wedding just does not make sense right now. I paid my own way through university and still owe about $27,000 in student debt. It seems more logical right now to look after that first. The extra money that we are able to save I'd really like to spend on traveling. The BF and I make great traveling partners. We have talked about going on a trip to Asia, as well as to Eastern/Central Europe (Germany, Poland, Russia, The Ukraine) to see where are ancestors came from. I'd also love to go to Central & South America at some point, and do another trip to the Mediterranean (Greece, Italy, Spain). Right now I'd rather spend my money on these kinds of experiences while I can.
6. If I ever do get married I'd like to be financially stable enough to do it the way I want to do it: a smallish sized wedding (50-100 guests), intimate, very elegant, classy (black tie!), great food, great wine, dancing & of course a beautiful dress, preferably an Oscar de La Renta gown worthy of Audrey Hepburn. I wouldn't mind looking like this when I walk down the aisle. (And yes, I admit it, I sometimes like to look at wedding dresses online. This started when my best friend started planning her wedding). Because, hopefully I'll only do this once and I want to look good doing it. Until then, I'd rather wait and do it right.
Because at the end of the day, although I may be cynical about some things, but I still do have a few fairy tale dreams of my own.
So there you have it. Right now I'm just enjoying life as it is. Once the career stuff starts to fall into place then maybe I'll start to think beyond that. Please send out this press release to the nosy hand-grabbers: As it stands, I am perfectly OK being happily unmarried.
Has anyone reached the point where people are regularly asking you about marriage or children? If yes, how do you react?
