One Night Stand
Wed, Oct 14 2009 11:28
{Photo cred: a glamorous little side project}
Spring of 2002.
It was a Saturday night around 10:30 during exams. I was sitting in one of U of T's many libraries studying. I had been there for a few hours already and my concentration was starting to wane. My mind had begun to wander to the cute guy sitting across the table from me. For the past hour I had been exchanging coy glances & smiles with him in between chapters of Primate Evolutionary Theory. He was cute and I was completely distracted.
When the clock started to creep towards 10:45 we pushed our books aside and struck up a conversation. He was nice, intelligent, dark hair, dark eyes (just my type). He said to me,
"Do you want to get out of here and go grab a drink?"
I was game. We left the library and headed over to Insomnia (a neighborhood watering hole) where we got to know each other over a few martinis. After the martini glasses were empty we left the bar and headed back to his place. He wanted to play me this "really great new song that he thought I would love".
When we got back to his apartment he went straight for the his stereo and pressed play.
"You said you liked House music, so I know you're going to LOVE this song!"
When Kings of Tomorrow's "Finally" started to play, I tried to act surprised. I didn't have the heart to tell him that this song wasn't "new" but that it has been playing at the House music clubs for at least 2 years or so. He was cute, so I let the music snobbery slide. We started making out.
I didn't go back to his house with the clear objective of sleeping with him. However I slept with him for the same reasons that other people have probably slept with people: I was bored, he was hot and well, because I could.
What happened next was the worst sex of my life. Unfortunately he was a bit "size challenged". I knew he had put on a condom while we were making out, however when we started having sex I honestly couldn't tell right away. I could hardly feel anything. I thought we were still just making out (see #194 of the list). The last thing you want to ask when you're in bed with someone is "Are we having sex?", trust me. On a side note, size isn't everything. For me, good chemistry and some finesse have always trumped size. Unfortunately, both were lacking in this situation. I eventually figured it out when he started thrashing around on top of me like he was riding an out of control mechanical bull. He was twisting and turning his hips, bouncing around, arms flailing over his head. I just lay there underneath him in awe. I had never seen anything like it. I'm surprised he didn't start waving an imaginary lasso. Then of course there was the soundtrack. My fake orgasm was completely drowned out by Sportscaster like screams of SHIT YEAH! OH YEAH! SHIT YEAH! THIS IS THE SHIT! FUCK YEAH! SHIT! SCORE! OH YEAH! SCORE! Apparently when the clothes disappeared so did the mild mannered engineering student. Instead it felt like I was in bed with a potty mouthed Don Cherry narrating Rock'em Sock'em Hockey.
All I could think was NEVER AGAIN.
One nighters weren't really my scene anyways. So, in order to not feel like a slut I decided I'd ask him out on a proper date. (I foolishly rationalized that if I went out with him one more time, but did not sleep with him then I would no longer be able to consider this a "one night stand". Instead, I'd be able to say that "we dated" however briefly. Yes, I realize how stupid this sounds.)
A few days later we went for dinner and drinks. He was a really nice guy but, it became clear that we really had nothing in common. Even after a few drinks, the sexual tension I'd felt at the library just wasn't there. When we returned to his house to "watch a movie", he poured us some more drinks. We started to make out again. Fearing what would come next (crazy sportscaster rodeo sex) I politely excused myself to the bathroom to try and figure out an exit strategy.
When I came out of the bathroom he was lying on the bed passed out. I guess those drinks were stronger than I thought. What I did next was not my finest moment but, I knew it was NOW or NEVER. I grabbed a post-it from his desk, scrawled a quick "I'm sorry it didn't work out" note, and fled the scene. I never heard from him again.
The lesson learned here: One night stands just aren't for me. This was my second and last one night stand (the first one was also a total disaster). If the chemistry is good, I like to actually get to know the person. In the past, any situation that could have been a one night stand has always turned into something longer lasting. Like Neil Strauss says in his book "I'm more a fan of 10 night stands". After that night, whenever I needed the thrill of a booty call I went back to what I was doing before: sleeping with my exes and friends. But THAT is another blog post (and lesson learned) altogether.
When it comes to dating/sex/relationships, what have you realized is "just not for you"?
